


we saved the whole wide world

by lailizabeth



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Episode: s15e18 Despair, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, POV Sam Winchester, Post-Episode: s15e18 Despair, holy shit, it's so sad lol, obviously, so that happened
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:13:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27424774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lailizabeth/pseuds/lailizabeth
Summary: So Chuck had taken Cas too. A pang of sadness clutched at Sam's chest, his defenses momentarily overtaken by all of the loss. Charlie, Bobby, Donna, Eileen– But he couldn't let himself think about that. He had to believe there was a way."We're gonna get them back Dean. All of them."And for some reason when Sam says that, Dean breaks, and the tears start flowing freely.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester (mentioned)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 321





	we saved the whole wide world

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [let me hold your heart](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17702633) by [lailizabeth](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lailizabeth/pseuds/lailizabeth). 



> i felt like i was legally obligated as a longtime deancas shipper to write something after this episode so here it is. sad like always, enjoy.
> 
> can be read as a sequel to 'let me hold your heart' for extra angst

"C'mon Dean, _pick up._ "

Sam hit the steering wheel in frustration as the call went to voicemail for the hundredth time.

_"This is Dean's other, other cell... so you must know what to do"_

Everyone was gone. Like, _everyone_ everyone, not just the otherworlders and people who had been resurrected in one way or another. Everyone. And Sam couldn't even begin to process what that meant. Right now, all he knew was that he and Jack were alive, Dean wasn't answering his phone, and the roads were an absolute _mess_ getting home, filled with the unmoving traffic of wrecked and abandoned cars from when the whole world had disappeared. 

Sam handed his phone to Jack, who sat in the passenger seat. "Try Cas," he told him, and Jack, who had been wordless since the silo, just nodded.

This wasn't Billie's doing, Sam knew. She had wanted balance, had wanted everyone to be where they were "supposed" to be, and this was definitely not where things were supposed to be. Which meant it was Chuck. Chuck was back and this was his grand finale and they had no idea how to stop it, and nowhere – no _one_ – to turn to for help.

The one misplaced comfort Sam took in God's return was that it meant Dean and Cas were alive, despite the fact they weren't answering. Sam knew Chuck wouldn't kill any of them, not yet. They were the stars of the show after all, and Chuck wouldn't want to ruin his storybook ending.

"Cas... didn't answer," Jack said, and Sam tightened his grip on the steering wheel. They just needed to get back to the bunker. Then the four of them could figure out what to do.

"He'll be there."

* * *

Sam burst through the bunker door, Jack on his tail, and relief flooded through him when he saw Dean sitting at the war table.

"Dean! We've kinda been calling, you know," Sam said as he started down the stairs. "It's not Billie, it's Chuck. And everyone's gone."

Dean stiffened, gripping the edge of the table.

"I know."

His voice was raw and quiet in a way that made Sam pause. That's when he noticed Dean's eyes were rimmed with red and glassy, and they were looking at Sam but not really seeing him. Any relief Sam felt was replaced with dread. Then Jack asked,

"Where's Cas?"

Sam whipped around to look at him. "Jack..." Somehow Sam knew the answer before the question left Jack's mouth, and making Dean say it was more than cruel, but Dean just shook his head and gasped, like he was holding back a sob.

So Chuck had taken Cas too. A pang of sadness clutched at Sam's chest, his defenses momentarily overtaken by all of the loss. Charlie, Bobby, Donna, _Eileen_ – But he couldn't let himself think about that. He had to believe there was a way.

"We're gonna get them back Dean. All of them."

And for some reason when Sam says that, Dean breaks, and the tears start flowing freely.

* * *

* * *

They win. Somehow, against the worst odds they've ever faced, they win, and Chuck is gone for good this time. And Sam can finally breathe.

And they got _so lucky._ Everyone Chuck had blipped out of existence came back. It turns out they weren't really completely gone, just in a sort of cosmic limbo until Chuck hit the reset button, which Sam, Dean, and Jack had stopped him from doing. When they'd stopped him, the clocks turned back and everyone got put exactly where they were before, doing whatever it was they had been doing and oblivious to the time that had passed for the two hunters and the nephilim. 

Sam stood there in awe for a moment, not quite believing that it was truly finally over. Then, with light in his eyes for the first time in years, he turned to Dean, smiled, and said,

"Let's go home."

And there was that look on Dean's face again. So full of hurt at a time that should feel like hope. Then it was gone as fast as it had came.

"Don't tell me you're not dying to go see Eileen," Dean said, and he let out a painfully forced laugh, "I'm sure you two have some serious catching up to do."

Dean wasn't wrong. Sam was itching to see her, to touch her and reassure himself that she was _safe_ , but he also wanted to see Cas, and Eileen had already texted that she was fine and not to worry. She could be at the bunker by the time they got home anyway, so they could meet there and all be all be safe and _together,_ and maybe they would be like some kind of family. That's what Sam wanted, and he said as much.

"She'll meet us at home, Dean. We can all just meet there."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Sam..."

Dean sounded like he was begging, and Sam had never been more confused.

"I don't get it. Don't you want to see Ca-"

But Dean cut him off, voice filled with something Sam could only describe as heartbreak.

"He's not there, Sammy."

Jack tilted his head in confusion, and Sam saw Dean recoil.

"What do you mean?" Jack asked, "Where is he?"

"He..." Dean trailed off, took a deep breath, started again. "Chuck didn't take him. The Empty did."

Dean stared down at his hands and Sam felt his blood run cold.

"How?" he asked, incredulous and a little bit hysterical because it was supposed to be _over,_ and they were supposed to be happy. And Sam knew one day, when he'd had time to mourn his friend, he would be able to be okay. But he also knew that Dean would never come back from this.

"The deal..." Jack said, and it was almost a whisper. Dean looked up at him, asked

"You knew?"

It sounded like an accusation, but there was no heat behind it, none of Dean's usual anger. There was only grief, and Jack looked like _he_ wanted to disappear. Not that Sam had any idea what the hell they were talking about.

"I'm sorry," Jack said, and he was crying now.

"What deal?" Sam asked. "Dean?"

Dean looked like he was about to respond, but when he opened his mouth all that came out was a choked sob. He swallowed and ran a hand over his face, looking up at the sky to try and keep his tears from falling. Sam, feeling helpless, turned to a devastated looking Jack, who pulled Sam aside and explained the deal Cas had made with the Empty. Some parts of it didn't make sense, like why the Empty would take Cas when it had, when things were pretty much the furthest they could be from 'happy.' But Sam understood now why Dean never seemed relieved when they had found a way to save everyone. Because to Dean, the person who mattered most was still gone. And for the first time, Sam didn't have a clue how to protect his big brother.

* * *

They went back to the bunker. Dean insisted on driving, though Sam made a half-hearted protest. They drove in silence, save for some pop station coming over the radio, which Dean didn't even bother to change. They stopped twice: once for gas and again to get food. Dean didn't touch his burger, and Sam didn't bother to say anything about it. They just needed to get home, and then Sam would figure out how to help Dean, how to put him back together again. That's what he told himself anyway.

They parked in the garage and Sam got their stuff out of the trunk, and it took a few seconds for him to realize Dean wasn't following Jack and him inside. Sam motioned for Jack to go inside and walked back to the Impala, getting back into the passenger seat next to Dean, who was staring straight ahead and still gripping the steering wheel.

They sat there like that for a few minutes, neither of them saying anything. Surprisingly, Dean was the first to speak.

"He said he loved me."

It hit Sam like a pile of bricks. He looked at his brother, who wouldn't make eye contact, and realized how much _worse_ _it was_ than he had even imagined.

"Dean, I'm... I'm so sor-"

"Don't." Dean said, but just like with Jack earlier, there was no venom in it. He didn't sound angry, just resigned. That scared Sam more than anything. Dean took a shaky breath and continued.

"I didn't say it back."

He finally looked at Sam and his face crumbled, tears now running freely down his cheeks. And he repeated it, barely a whisper,

_"I didn't say it back"_

Sam pulled Dean into his arms. It was awkward and uncomfortable the way they were seated in the car, but neither of them had it in them to care. There was nothing in the world Sam could say to make this better, so he just held his brother while he cried. And Sam cried too, for Cas, and for Dean, and for all that they should have been.

**Author's Note:**

> I still can't fuckign believe we got canon destiel. literally the worst possible way we could've gotten it but I'm going to eat the crumbs that we're fed idgaf lmaooo, I might write a second part to this because i believe in fan service and we deserve BETTER.
> 
> also still crying at the fact chuck pulled a thanos


End file.
